Stewardess

Big sigh x10...

For the first time I encounter a big NONO from him... I told him I wanna go for a try for the upcoming SIA interview. I think the air-stewardesses must have owe him some things in life. It's a immediate rejection from him. The feeling is horrible...

For those who know... I do & I did mention my interests in being an air-stewardess, maybe not as much as those who are really into it. Anyway, for many times I told pple that I wanna try out a stewardess role, 9 out of 10 will ask me to go try it. So the 1 is him... the one whom you want and hope for some encouragement and support. Thou it's only1, but it seems so significant. For that 9 out 10, I used to take for granted that everybody wants me to go for it. I mean it's not that I think I will get in, but at least I can say I tried. Even if one day I choose to give this idea up, I can still tell myself, I tried once isn't it?

He said things like... I dun want history to repeat itself, I've heard so much about them, You'll change, I'm not lying to you, it's dark there, the gals are materialistics... ETC ETC ETC...

Think the ex has seriously spoilt the market of having a stewardess GF. So you'll lose your partner if one gets there??? Hai... I'm confused, really... I've never really have so much interests to try something so much, think this is one of the rare few. & how disheartening a simple thing can piss off your loved one. I dunno how to communicate to him... It seems like I can't assure him cuz I believe all the assurance was ruined by the ex or I have no 100% guarantee? Ya, no one knows the future...

Things change, people change... My attitude towards him changed immediately... My feelings towards him is altered some how... I dunno... Thou the feeling of being controlled is not as strong like the previous. I hate being controlled. I remember I told friends I hate barriers!! But ya where will things always go so smooth, right? He keeps saying things like I hope you understand, I know I'm selfish, but I still dun allow...

You know when people oppose me so much, I will feel like challenging them. I want to prove them wrong. I wanna keep my stand. I will do things to hurt them! It's so hard to give up. I do things willingly, especially when it involves much of my emotions. I hate to be so obligated...

I choose my way... I'm putting this relationship to test... I think he has not seen the real me. The ugly side of me which my parents know so so well. I'm stubborn... terribly stubborn & ignorance & I escape... *ARGH STOP CALLING ME!!!!"*