The Good Mood is Back!

Okay, the hao xin qing is back now.

Had our first Indian dance practice yesterday. It's so fun! Shilpi is an awesome dancer~! Having the Jazz background, she's able to dance so sexily even the move is little. I think partly also contributed by the great assets of her. *Haha. Smitha is a born dancer and full of energy. Nanaya is trying and Marichika is sponteaneous. I'm getting a male dancer role and my best partner is Nicole cuz we have the best chemistry in the comedic dance.

So the dance is about a man falling for a rural Indian girl and that girl is supposed to tease the man. So, being the man, I'm suppose to constantly give that lecherous look like aiming as the butt and eye-to-eye in a cheeky way. =P Can you guy picture it?

So we have Jas who joined us for the practice but sad to say I have to be the bad person to "give" her to another group. Cuz we have too many members, another team dun wanna "adopt" her, so left with the last team. But lucky thing is that this last team has available roles. *Phwei* Well, another reason may be... we need a more flexible and fast learner, which I did not and dare not say. Hmmm... my straight-forwardness has very little limit I guess. Aiyo, but who dares to say~??~!

Anyway, meet the ladies!

Left to right: Shilpi, Smitha, Marichika, Nayana, Nicole, Jasmine, & lastly ME in the middle.

A psychologist once told us to look for partner base on their character, not personality. I come to realise that people I've chosen to be with are usually based on personality, which is said to be the "outer" look of a person.

I come to wonder how long I can get stuck to a guy. I become dependent on the guy which eventually makes me a useless gal who can't take care of myself. I hate myself for being so emotionally attached. I'm starting to feel that he dun understand me or has he lose all his patience on me?

I hate myself for wanting so much attention from him. Each time I did not receieve the expected response from him, I get upset. I feel so sad that friends' BFs can be so sweet to surround them with laughter and joy, like a free child. Why must we stay so adult and constantly compromise. Why must we stay so adult and be so understanding? Why can't I get angry, get upset over something and just simply quarrel. & when you start quarrelling, it's like... well I dunno how to describe...

Is it too much to ask for a BF who will treat u like a Princess? It seems like when people are busy with work, they tend to neglect their loved ones. When things dun turn out right, we blame for seeing each other too much that causes friction. We give each other space, but are we really enjoying ourselves? Maybe he is, but I'm not. When he tries to work on it, I did not give him the chance.

Will negative + negative ever give you a positive for such cases?

I've distanced with so many friends ever since and they have their own life with I do not wish to disturb. I do not want to appear when I have problem, I come to you. I mix with his friends, but has he ever tried to mix with mine? I'm so afraid that their frequency could not match.

Now he claimed that I should be more understanding... FUCK IT~! I'm not understanding... It hurts so much to know that he finally gets sick of me.